Winter Olympics?

Today started out like most other Fridays...nothing out of the ordinary. Got to work 5 minutes late, which is pretty ordinary for me. The usual joking comments from co-workers when you arrive late. The usual long empty stare at the blue prints ( actually a refined art which involves bullshitting with a co-worker about the previous weekends exploits with an occasional hand gesture towards the ceiling as to give the appearance that you're actually doing some work).
Nine o'clock break came around and I sounded the "break horn"(actually a 5 foot long piece of pipe which I bent into the shape of a horn, which sounds like the one on 13th warrior). I bought the usual coke off the "Taco Truck" ( a grease ridden bread truck from which one can purchase a tantalizing assortment of fine Mexican rot-gut).
It was on the walk back from break that it hit me. Like the rumbling of distant thunder, it started at the top of my stomach. I brushed it off. "I'm sure it's nothing". "I'll just hold off 'till after I get off work". Besides, there was no way in hell that I was going to use the port-o-let.
For all those who don't know, a port-o-let (a.k.a port-o-john, crapper, shitter or Mexican swimming pool) is marketed as a portable waste management facility. In reality it's a portal or dimension-door which leads to the depths of hell. A glimpse of Lucipher's throne room, where the most vile and despicable imps are born and sent forth to torture the miserable inhabitants of the world above.
By the time I got back to my building the distant rumbling had turned into a war zone. Like a controlled demolition, the explosions moved down my stomach and into my bowels. I immediately began the 150 yard dash to the nearest group of port-o-lets. Time seemed to stand still for a moment. No matter how fast I went, it seemed I would never get there. The first of the two crappers was occupied. The second, well....some low-life had taken it upon himself to defecate on the seat. If I ever get my hands on them..... I scanned the job site for another bathroom. The nearest one was another 100 yards or so away. I begin to run again( queue chariots of fire theme). This one is empty and somewhat clean. After strategically placing some paper on the seat. I proceed to sit down and am hit by sub-freezing 20mph wind streaming down the vent pipe and onto bare skin( profanity ensued).
Needless to say my ordinary day ended up not so ordinary. When I find out who poisoned me, I swear there will be hell to pay!