Thursday, December 08, 2005

Beloved Apollo, for what trespass are we banished?

Hell(Texas) has frozen over!...

Yesterday I locked the keys in my truck, while it was running. The reason I left it running was because I was afraid the truck wouldn't restart once I turned it off, as the battery was shot. It took half an hour in the freezing rain to pry the window open. This compounded by the fact that I had also left my gloves in the cab.

My troubles have only begun...

After dropping the kids off at their mom's, I attempt to restart the truck...Nothing!
A few choice words later( followed by a pissed off stare into the bleak nothingness that surrounds my soul), I walk over to the apartment where a local systemite agrees to drive me down to the auto parts store so I can exchange the truck battery for a new one.
The trek to O'rielly's was a perilous one. We stuck to the access roads to avoid icy overpasses and flyovers. We pass one wreck after another. Still we push on. The police have the upper deck of the highway closed off along with the road in front of the auto parts store. This truly was a night of mayhem....I cautiously grip the hilt of the Katana at my side. We find an alternate entrance.
At the store I exchange the battery, pick up some new wiper blades, and get some de-icing spray( worthless). I figured I was forgetting something but, couldn't remember what. So we returned home and finished the cold-wet-dark job of reinstalling the battery. Sleep was sweet.

Salvation on thin ice....

I wake up at 6:15...Late! Rush down the slick stairs and to the truck. Quickly I spray the windows with de-icer. It only leaves the windows cloudy. I start the truck and proceed to drive with my head partially out the window Ace Ventura style.
Most of the motorist around me are driving a cautious 45 mph , but I'm making great time whizzing in and out of traffic. My attention is drawn to the "check gauge" light on the instrument panel. It was then that I notice the temperature meter is completely in the red. Oh f@#k! I pull over to the shoulder, witch is basically an ice patch, and slide for about 50 feet. Once out, I pop the hood. Sure enough, the radiator was frozen!"Oh God please don't let the head be cracked". Meanwhile, tractor trailers and cars a flying passed. I realize that I'm in an extremely dangerous spot, so I wait for the engine to cool a little and move to a gas station at the next exit.
At the gas station I start filling cups up with hot water from the coffee machine and then pore them into the radiator , while letting it drain out the bottom side. I did this for the next hour. Inquisitive gas station customers would ask me what I was doing. I'd have to explain myself over and over. A mechanic approached me and said that I would have to get it towed to a dealership, where they would have to leave it in the garage for four or five hours before it would defrost sufficiently. He laughed when I asked if hot water would do the trick."I'll show you...Stupid mechanic".
I had to walk over to the next gas station to get some antifreeze, as they had sold out. The Indian clerk wanted 10 bucks for a gallon of premixed anti-freeze and water."It is precisely the best you can get", he said. "It's rated for temperatures of -34 degrees". I just need something for like 20 degrees. "sounds a lot like price gauging" I thought.
Once back at the truck I filled the radiator up and said a default prayer."God, if you love me....Or at least admire me...Or just feel sorry for me, then please don't let the head be cracked". I started the engine then watched the gauge. It stayed cool!
Yes!!!!
I guess God does love me!!..Or at least admires me!.. Or just feels sorry for me.

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

Thats hilarious. You gotta love those days when every little fucking thing goes wrong. Crisis is easy to take but it's the "little things" that make the kingdom fall down. Next time you speak with the dude ask him if he admires me.

BarbarianDave said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
BarbarianDave said...

I'm sure he admires your anonymity!

Anonymous said...

he loves you.

poeteyez said...

Anonymous--- i dont get it. why does someone say something like that and remain anonymous???
Great story Gaga. i love ur ability to express pain in such a way.... almost feeling ur pain, yet intertained with humor.

Anonymous said...

Sorry for the anonymity scare guys. I thought it would show the name I logged on with--thats what I get for being a first time poster. In any case, I just really liked that particular entry and felt like saying so. P.S. My name is Vicky. (now let's hope it shows up as something other than "anonymous"....)

BarbarianDave said...

Well Vicky, you're always welcome, wether you choose to be anonymous or not.