Fat boy off roads!

Fat balding Mexican man likes to try and make fun of me at work. Mainly because of the fact that I'm going through a separation at the moment( at least that's what he considers my easiest target). "If you knew how to lay pipe like a real man, she wouldn't have left you". "Probably" I reply. Seeing that I'm not being bothered by his attempts he states " You see, I'm just a pimp". Coming from a guy we often refer to as "Shrek" or "Silverback"( as in gorilla) I tell him " I guess just about anyone can be a pimp these days. I mean don't they have a minimum standard you have to pass before you can become a pimp?". I look down to see that Shrek has served himself a large portion of eggs, biscuits and gravy from the cafeteria. I ask him if they've told him yet. "Told me what?"... "Told you if you're having twins or triplets?". " F#$k you!" he replies. He then proceeds to call me several other names while stating the fact that I'm just a little S#*t, and that I just don't get it. I turn to look down at the newspaper I had been reading before he sat down. Shrek then grabs the paper from my hands and begins reading. " You have to the count of three to return my paper, fat boy". He does nothing. I take his cup of sprite. "When you give me back the paper then you get your sprite back". He still does nothing. So I wait till he starts talking to someone else( with a mouth full of food) and I grab the paper back. I then proceed to leave the table. Meanwhile he starts telling everyone around that he's going to kick my ass.
The day goes on and every once in a while a swing by Shrek's work area and remind him of the ass kicking that I was promised and asked him when it would be, as my schedule for the rest of the day was pretty busy. He grew more and more upset each time. Around clean up time I see Shrek sneaking out to the parking lot early. I shake my head disapprovingly. Eventually all the tools are cleaned up and I head out.
On the way out , I notice a long line of traffic trying to make it's way onto the highway. "Must be another accident". I finally make my way to the intersection. I see an SUV had tried to cut around the little Honda in front of it, and had instead driven up the side of the Honda. A little old Filipino woman emerges from the Honda. she's ok but visibly shaken. I notice someone trying to get out of the SUV. Lo and behold Shrek comes falling out of the SUV. I Laugh. I laugh hysterically. Other co-workers drive up as well and begin laughing. Shrek covers his face in shame. ....... I must have laughed the whole way home.